So, I am a joiner. I love new projects, social experiments, and challenges. I like starting things. I like learning all about new subjects. Then - what typically happens is I hit a few roadblocks, find out the project isn't as much fun as I anticipated, and quit to go looking for the next new thing to hit my radar.
A few months ago I quit drinking Diet Coke. I replaced it with flavored/carbonated water and sweet tea. I was pondering the idea that it was time to go all the way and get rid of the flavored water too when the 7 Experiment came on my radar. It seemed like perfect timing. It seemed exciting! After all, it was a new project and the perfect way to kick off the new year. So, about a week ago I quit the flavored water and this week in addition, I cut the sugar out of my tea. It seemed like a small step, maybe not even glorious enough for the 7 Experiment but I jumped in whole-heartedly.
Then life hit. See, my typical pattern with fasting is that taking out a comfort item, such as the sugar in my tea, brings me closer to my emotions. It allows the ugly parts of my personality to surface. In other words, I get angry and irritated.
Yesterday was a tough day. Every little thing was ruffling my feathers. I ended up in an intense argument with my husband. This is unusual because we both hate conflict. Because I had no buffer, things I usually overlook really upset me. I found myself seething over infractions from years ago even. It seems that some past injuries had not been forgiven but just buried. So, I guess that is what God wanted to show me. I spent some time in prayer and was reminded of the time when Jesus told his disciples to forgive 70X7 times. I decided that all those things that my husband does that really anger me are going on the 70X7 list. If it's on the list, then I don't hold it against him. It's been forgiven and released. (and just so you know the list is not on paper, just a fuzzy thing in my head so basically I'll never know if I reach 490 items.) It's just my way of reminding myself that my husband does not have to be perfect and I have permission to let him off the hook.
So I wanted to just quit this whole experiment yesterday - to cover up my emotions with sugary tea and forget the whole thing. Instead, I stuck it out and God showed me something important about myself. It wasn't fun but I grew. Growth is my word for this year. If I survive the process, big things might happen.
