Why does the middle class resent the poor?

As I was growing up I learned to dislike two of my cousins.  They were pleasant enough people and we had fun when they babysat me.  However, they were known for mooching off their mom.  They followed a pattern of moving out, getting a job, living with a girlfriend, losing the job, getting in trouble for drugs, and moving back in with mom.  She would let them stay there rent-free for as long as they wanted to.  Then the pattern would repeat.  My aunt was a bus driver and lived in gov’t subsidized housing.  She often had trouble paying her bills.   Other relatives lamented about how the boys were taking advantage of her.  Now, as a mom, I can begin to imagine how hard it would be to turn your child away when they had no place to live, but back then many of us kept telling her to ‘kick their lazy buts out’.

Why was the family so upset about this arrangement?  After all, it was her choice to take care of her children in whatever way she saw fit.  I think it comes down to mind-set.  The relatives that felt it was unjust were the middle class folks who were working hard every day to pay their own bills.  They looked at my young, healthy cousins and said – why should my tax dollars that I worked to earn go to pay for you to do nothing?  So, it was personal.  Not only were these boys abusing their mom, but we were paying for it through welfare and food stamps. 

I believe that is what middle class and rich people most often resent.  It’s not disability or social security benefits.  It’s not even food banks.  They don’t like working for money they never see that goes to pay for other people to not work. 

Now I know that this image of a lazy person living off the public dole has been over-exaggerated and overused.  As an example, in 2010, 73% of public aide went to the elderly and the disabled.  (See chart from https://www.cbpp.org/research/contrary-to-entitlement-society-rhetoric-over-nine-tenths-of-entitlement-benefits-go-to) The majority was not going to people who just didn’t want to work.  Still, those people do exist and they give the whole group a bad reputation.

As I expressed previously, the poor live in a mindset of sharing to survive.  Their life is often in crisis not knowing what tomorrow will bring.  If they have extra today they share it in hopes that tomorrow someone will share with them.  If sharing does not work they resort to asking for help and seeking government assistance.  That is how they make it from one day to the next.

In contrast, the middle class survive by working.  If the paycheck does not cover the expenses, they get another job or ask for more hours.  They sell things or skip meals.  They have been told that charity is for the weak and all they have to do to survive is to work harder.  It they are talented and lucky, they make it up the rungs of their chosen profession and reach a salary where the bills are paid and they have a little extra left over.  This is security, and security is important.  It means you don’t have to live in fear of foreclosure or bill collectors. 

I’m not saying either of these mindsets is superior.  In fact they both work to help people provide the basics of life for themselves.  However, they are very different and this causes conflict.  When a jobless person asks a struggling worker for some cash to pay their electric bill, the worker thinks about how many hours he put in to get that money.  He earned it.  He wonders why the jobless person can’t take care of himself and subconsciously he feels threatened.  What if he gives that money away and can’t pay his own bills?  He does not see it as sharing resources or believe that someone else will take care of him later.  He sees it as a threat to his security.  So he says no.  Then the confused jobless person walks away confused and maybe even angry.  This friend has more than they need.  Why would they let me suffer? 

Then we have to deal with jealousy and justice.  I currently have a bill for over $1000 for some thyroid testing I needed.  Thankfully, insurance covered much of the cost, but I really don’t have funds to pay this remainder and there may be more bills coming.  It frustrates me that my insurance pulls over $600 a month out of my pay and I still have bills I can’t cover.  Then I look to my friends on Medicare.  They don’t pay $500 to ride an ambulance.  They don’t pay $20-50 every time they visit a doctor.  They don’t have to ask themselves if they can afford to get their child’s cavity filled.  It’s all paid for. (Benefits vary by state, but this is what I have seen here)  So, yes, I get a little jealous.  It’s not fair that my tax dollars are covering their bills and what’s leftover is not enough to pay mine.  I’m not angry at my friends, but I am angry at the system.  However, I begin to realize that I would not want to trade places.  I’ve seen my friends shuffled from doctor to doctor without diagnosis.  Their medications are changed often based on what Medicare will pay for.  They get referred to a specialist out of town and have no transportation to get there.  And I see them struggle daily to keep a roof over their head and food on the table.  Often I see them do it with a smile.  Then I begin to realize that they don’t have it easier than me and I don’t have it easier than them.  We each struggle and we each live and if we are lucky we do it with friends beside us to give joy to the journey.

The Happiness Project - Introduction and Month One

I just finished The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I decided to do an extended book review. This won't be a pure summary.  I'm going to re-read it and write about not only her ideas but also how each section affected me.

I tend to like the whole social experiment genre.  I love reading about how people challenge themselves and discuss what they learned.  This author realizes she is not appreciating her life as much as she could and therefore goes on a mission to increase her own happiness.  She looks at what brings her joy and satisfaction as well as what brings guilt, anger, and remorse.  Then she writes a year's worth of resolutions to increase the one and decrease the other.

I like the fact that she is not looking to make major changes in her way of living such as moving or changing careers but she is wanting to "change the lens through which I viewed everything familiar" and "find more happiness in my own kitchen".  In other words, she wanted to change her attitude and her outlook rather than her circumstances.

I find it humorous that her method is exactly what mine is whenever I want to make a change in my life: make the decision, go to the library for LOTS of books, and start making charts and lists.  Yep, that's so me.

She struggled with whether seeking happiness was a worthy goal, but finally decided to embrace it because happy people are more productive, helpful, friendlier, and healthier.  In fact, most of our typical goals and resolutions revolve around an underlying premise of becoming happier.

January -

The first month Gretchen decided to focus on increasing her energy level since that would help with all the other resolutions to come.  She focused on getting more sleep which is not really my issue.  I probably have the opposite problem.  Still, many people would be happier, healthier, and more productive if they got enough sleep.

Next she tackled exercise. It's amazing I didn't give up on the book at this point.  I have never found a form of exercise I like and I think the whole endorphin thing is a myth.  Either that or my endorphin pump is broken.  However, another one of the benefits is supposed to be delayed onset of dementia, so maybe I better get to work.

Then she moved on to a topic dear to my heart - decluttering.  For me, piles of unidentified clutter and searching for lost items is very stressful.  Maybe it's because I've lived that way for so much of my life, but I seek the outer order that brings inner peace.  When I can clear out a closet or counter and find homes for everything it feels so open.  I am content and calm.  I love it.  Maintenance, however, is my nemesis.  Those surfaces and shelves just don't stay clear and organized.  I guess that gives me another opportunity to seek the next clutter-clearing high, but I want to create systems that help me keep things straightened out not just keep fixing them.  One of her personal rules might be helpful here - "Identify the problem".  For example, when I cleaned out my walk-in closet, I realized that I dump everything from my pockets on a shelf there each night.  Most of it is trash.  I decided to put a small trash can in there.  Now I can ditch the trash right away and avoid the mess.

For me another part of the problem is bringing too much stuff into the house in the first place.  Several years ago a friend gave me some very important advice.  She said she only buys something if she knows where she is going to put it.  At the time I lived on the Navajo Reservation and if I saw a decoration I liked, I bought it.  When I actually started thinking about where I could display these items, I cut my buying significantly.  Over the years I have also learned to avoid 'freebies' unless I really wanted them. Still, I buy too many unnecessary things for my children and my book collection is a little excessive.

There were some other clutter ideas in the book that I found helpful.  For example, too many choices is overwhelming.  This accounts for why so many people are happier when they reduce their clothes.  It's much more satisfying to face a closet of items you actually like to wear than a crammed space full of things that don't fit or have no matches or you might wear some day.

Another truth is that 'junk attracts junk'.  If a surface already has a pile of random items on it, the natural tendency will be to drop more stuff there.  If the space is clear and organized, it is less likely to attract random mess.  (Unless you are allergic to open space like some of the members of my family seem to be.  Then I use the tactic of putting one or two strategic items to 'claim' the space.)

Two more helpful pieces of advice were "You always find lost things when you clean" which I have found to be true, and "If it takes less than one minute, do it now."  I have some trouble with this last one because sometimes a minute really does make a difference.  Still, most often, a lot of mess could be avoided by taking care of small tasks right away.

Another way she sought to get rid of things draining her energy was to tackle nagging tasks.  These are the things you have been avoiding forever.  They just stay on the to-do list and bring you guilt.  It's time to tackle those ugly things bit by bit.  One of her personal rules is "Do what ought to be done."  I try to follow similar advice - Take the next right step. (title of my blog)  It's easy to spend my free time watching TV or playing games, but getting some of the junk off my to-do list would make me much happier and actually be meaningful.

One reason this book took me years to finish was because I stopped to apply what I was reading.  The author may have changed her sleep schedule, started exercising, and organized her whole apartment in a month, but I think it will take me a little longer. ;p