The 7 Experiment - Media Fast

I'm going to write this one as I go and publish it at the end of my fast. 

This month is media.  My plan is no Facebook for three weeks.  Also, no gaming or random internet surfing.  Basically, I'm trying to redeem the time I spend after diner just vegging in front of the computer. 

I started Thursday (making today day 4).  I turned off all my notifications that email me saying who posted things on Facebook.  At first that helped me not desire to go check out the 'news'.  However, today I find myself wondering what is going on in people's lives.  I feel a little removed.  It's interesting.  Also, what am I supposed to do with all my silly and interesting life events and comments swirling in my head if I can't post them?

Week one down.  Here is an interesting development.  Instead of using my after dinner time for work or family, I've been going to bed earlier.  I think my body is trying to tell me that I've overextended and I need some rest.

Week two almost done.  My email is boring without Facebook and it is full of junk mail.  I try to unsubscribe them but more come.

My life seems to be getting quieter and smaller without Facebook.  I don't know all the details of friends' lives who are spread around the country.  I don't have the urgency to check on them daily. I like that social media allows me to reconnect with people I care about, but I don't miss the pressure (self-imposed mostly) to not miss an update. 

I'm not sure it's quiet enough yet though.  I still don't seem to be spending more time with family or getting more chores done.  I think it's time to reduce my inputs even more.  I read that multi-tasking, especially when related to media, undermines our ability to focus.  Also, it can cut creativity and deep thought.  Lastly, inputs of new information can be received as more urgent to the brain than other necessary tasks. 

I think that relates to me.  Sometimes I get obsessed with gathering new information on whatever topic has caught my interest.  I'll listen to audio books, watch youtube videos, etc. while doing other tasks.  This is not a bad thing in itself, but I think I get overstimulated at times and too driven to find out all I can.  So, for now, I'm fasting from multi-tasking.  I want to focus on what I'm doing and listen for God's voice in all things. 

If only it was that easy.  Unfortunately, the first voice I hear is not God's.  It is the voice of my own anger, irritation, and selfishness.  I find myself getting upset about unimportant things.  It's as though my emotions are raw and vulnerable.  This is always the first 'benefit' of fasting - it shakes me up and shows me what character defects remain unsanctified within me.  I pray for God to continue healing me.  I want to be so full of His Spirit that there is no room for my sinful nature.

Today I endeavored to look outward and pay attention to others instead of focusing on my own wants and needs.  The ugly voices in my head dispersed and it was a much calmer day.

As the three weeks comes to a close,  I think it's time to make some decisions about permanent changes to make.  I would like to 'keep the baby, but get rid of the dirty bathwater'.  I want to keep in contact with friends and family without surfing mindlessly for hours.  I also have become aware of how plugged-in my children are.  They need some limits as well.  I'm considering making one evening a week a 'no screen night'.  Ideally that time would be filled with family time and bonding.  I do plan to sometimes listen to my e-books while doing mindless chores, but wouldn't it be even better to include my children and develop more talk time with them? 

In general, I think I need to intentionally consider how I can trade good for better and better for best in my life. 

Learning to crawl

When my first daughter learned to crawl she had trouble getting her hands and legs to work together.  It went like this - hand, hand, flop on face.  The amazing thing is she didn't cry or get mad.  She just pushed herself up and tried again. 

I could certainly use a little of that determination because apparently my ministry to the poor is going to look a lot like Stephanie crawling - progress, progress, face-plant. 

I am overjoyed that God has given me a desire to minister to the less fortunate.  My own attitudes are being shaped and sanctified - progress.

I organized another free yard sale for needy families.  Our church found a Christian non-profit to partner with and many people at church got involved in various ways - progress.

Under 30 people came - flop.

About half way through I had a melt down.  I asked God if I had gotten these people involved for no reason.  I asked Him if I had misinterpreted His instructions.  I asked Him if I was a failure and the whole thing was a mistake.  Then I tried to pretend everything was fine and count the minutes until I could leave.

Fortunately a few ladies figured out I was upset and reassured me.  They did not feel that the work they put in was a waste of time, and they did feel like the people who came were worth the effort.  They said if one person was influenced and helped it was enough. 

How did I get so blessed to have people like this in my life.  God is good.

The 7 Experiment - Month Two - Clothes

As I've explored the ideas of simplicity and minimalism, I ran into a lot of people talking about downsizing their wardrobe.  In my first major purge I did donate several bags of clothes, but I had no desire to create a capsule wardrobe or try the 333 challenge (33 clothing items for 3 months).  Then I read Jen Hatmaker...

As part of her fasting from excess, she wore 7 clothing items for a month and loved it! 

I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach this month of 7, but I started by counting my clothes - tops, bottoms, dresses, nightgowns etc.  I did not include undergarments.  The total was 230.  That is not a mountain, but it is still a lot for a person who claims to not care about clothes.  So, I decided to jump in and see how little I could live on for a month. 

I started with 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of shorts, 1 t-shirt, 2 dress pants (black and brown), 3 semi-dressy tops, 1 pair of sweats and 1 dress.  I discovered it was sort of fun.  I kept the experiment secret and wondered if anyone would notice.  For two weeks I had this tiny pile of laundry and few choices to make in the morning.  In fact, it was two easy.  At two weeks I decided to narrow the playing field.  I eliminated the shorts (cool weather coming anyway) and the sweats and one top.  Now I had to repeat tops twice in a work week.  Still no one seemed to notice.  I guess the world really doesn't revolve around me. =p

By the fourth week I was a little bored with those tops and really ready to wear a different dress to church, but it certainly was not difficult or painful like fasting from food.  So, I was right to say I'm not all that attached to my clothes. 

Still, this was a fast, and I wanted to hear God's voice.  I asked him what he wanted to show me this month.  I had spent some time thinking about image and how we feel about ourselves and others based on clothes.  I also pondered how much we spend as a nation on clothes and how even thrift stores will reject clothes at times because they just have too much.  So as a society we have extreme waste in this area.  I try to get most of my clothes used for this reason. 

The one thing I had not considered was how clothing related to social justice.  I watched Jen's video for this month and did some internet surfing to find out about worker abuse, child labor, and unsafe working conditions.  It's a big topic and not at all clear-cut.  Here at last was the place where this fast pinched.  I found a listing of various companies and how well they were doing with safety, living wage, and child labor.  Unfortunately, most of the labels in my closet were not on the list so I have no way to judge them. I did decide to support the companies with good rating when possible.  Of course when you buy from a company that uses fair trade cotton and pays their workers above minimum wage, you might get sticker shock.  Then I discovered that certain countries are more known for worker abuses.  I started checking my labels again and I had lots of clothes made in the top two.  Since I wanted to purge anyway, I donated many of these.  I also chose to keep some - things I wear often or really liked.  It wasn't as easy as I thought. 

The next day I took my daughter shopping for a recital dress.  We found one she liked (a major feat) and it fit.  Only after it was in the cart did I check the tag -- ugh it was from the country I told myself I was no longer supporting... but it fit, she liked it, and it was cheap... and I bought it. =s

Now some will say, justifiably, that I have no way of knowing if that dress was made by a modern-day slave or a home-business trying to get out of poverty.  That is true.  It's also true that in that moment, the for-sure needs of my own child outranked the maybe abuses of somebody else's child.  I am weak when it comes to my dearest treasures - my children.

So, I leave clothes month with a smaller wardrobe (@150 now) and a lot of questions about justice.  As someone reminded me, it's not just clothes.  Injustices abound in so many industries.  I don't know how to even begin to make a dent in this issue.  As with so many things the goal may be progress not perfection.

OA teaches me about Christianity

It's been a little over a year and a half since I joined OA and this proram has revealed new things abut my faith. Today I was thinking about evangelism.

  People have watched my journey for the past year and a half. They have seen my body and my spirit change. Last night 3 new ladies I have shared pieces of my journey with came to our local face to face meeting. I had invited them in the past, but I had no idea they were coming this week. I didn't actively pursue them, I just lived my life in front of them and they noticed. I also befriended them with no condemnation. 

 I hope I can translate this into myChristian witness. My life should be lived in such a way that people notice my deeds and my spirit. It should attract them to Jesus. As I befriend people, not assault them with the gospel, I earn the right to speak God's love to them. 

Serving and Growing

"Something happens when you serve.  Something you cannot control.  You start with all kinds of obstacles, fear, incompetence, and even a desire to avoid the hopelessness that occurs when you realize that you do not have the power within you to fix people.  Something changes and you stop seeing people and you see a person.  Maybe even for a fleeting second you see a person through God's eyes... and that is when you get it.  Serving was never about them.  Serving is about getting gripped in the heart by God.  And he touches your heart through the ones you serve."
     -- Barefoot Church  by Brandon Hatmaker

I read this tonight and it summarizes my experience so well.  My first attempts at serving the poor were so stumbling and pitiful.  I first decided to go to the local free community meal and help serve.  They asked me to take care of the drinks.  That sounded easy until 100 people started filing in and there were only two of us trying to pour and deliver all those drinks.  I was overwhelmed and frustrated.  People complained that we missed their table, I didn't know where the sugar was for the tea, we ran out of ice....  Talk about feeling incompetent.  I did not feel like Mother Theresa but more like Cinderella before the ball.  I found myself feeling grumpy and critical.  Then God's voice whispered that I wasn't here to feel good or get brownie points, I was here to give an offering of service.  Well, my offering was pitiful, but I gave it and I kept coming back.  Eventually I started getting to know the regulars and I got better at serving drinks.  Now I chat with them and serve them with  smile and I love it.

Then there was the night of the tailgate party for the homeless. (See my post - The Homeless are Healing my Heart).  That was when I got to see some people through God's eyes.  I hugged a hurting veteran and listened to his stories.  I saw individual people that night, not just a group of homeless and God did grip my heart. 

The farther I get on this journey I realize that the things God calls us to are not meant to be painfully sacrificial.  It may be difficult at first.   Transformation is not easy.  However, in the end, the changes he calls for are meant to give us joy and the abundant life he promised.

The 7 Experiment month one - food

Well, my newest obsession revolves around a book (big surprise).  It's called The 7 Experiment by Jen Hatmaker.  My friend introduced it to me with the sentence - "You have to read this, it's so you."  All I had to do is read the back and I was hooked.  This author looked at seven areas of excess in her life and pared them down to the essentials.  Most of the areas were the same ones I've been making changes to in my own life - food, clothing, possessions, media, waste, spending, and stress.

In my life (somewhat documented in my story, Journey of 100 Bags) I made gradual, sustainable changes in various areas.  Jen Hatmaker took it to the extreme.  She considered each section a fast and her goal was for God's kingdom to break through in her life. 

For the first month she ate only seven foods - chicken, eggs, whole wheat bread, sweet potatoes, spinach, avocados, and apples.  She examined the Western diet and discovered how it is making us sick and fat.  She explored the ideas of whole food, organic, local food, and industrial agriculture.  She looked at how much food we waste as well as what God has to say in the Bible about food and our bodies.  She looked at the world around her and how so many are starving while a few are so indulged. 

I was challenged and excited.  I tried a water fast for one meal - yep just 1 meal.  I was miserable.  I felt weak and hungry and irritated.  I learned that fasting knocks me off center, shakes me up and reveals my character flaws.  It's not fun. 

Then I decided to follow one of Jen's suggestions and fasted from seven foods in my ordinary diet.  This was easier than the water fast, but it still got old fast.  I was not entirely successful.  One particularly stressful day I came home and ate cinnamon rolls.  These are not one of my trigger/binge foods, but they are a treat and one of the seven foods I chose to fast from.  I learned that I still turn to food for comfort.  One day my daughter drank the last of my unsweetened tea.  I snapped at her.  I was tired of drinking tea with no sugar to start with, but if it ran out I only had water.  I was embarrassed to see that a drink was that important to me.  Another day I was again bemoaning my lack of sweet tea when I looked at my glass of water and decided to be grateful.  I was thankful that I live in a country with pure water and that I can even afford to buy bottled water if I want to.  I learned that my life is full of blessings that often go unrecognized.

Food month was hard.  That means I need to do it again sometime.   I have more to learn... but this month is clothes. Bring on the next adventure.

The Homeless are Healing my Heart

I used to live in a place where I hated to go grocery shopping.  When I walked in I passed a line of beggers.  When I walked out one of them  would usually follow me to my car asking for money.  He would have a story about how he was stranded and needed money to get gas to go home or how he hadn't eaten all day.  I knew this was most often  a lie.  These men had wives and children waiting at home to see if they would return with a little extra cash but most often they returned drunk and abusive.  Every time I had these encounters I felt violated.  My heart hardened and scar tissue grew over my compassion.

When I moved to Alamogordo I saw a few guys flying signs here and there asking for help.  I assumed they were fake and I drove past.

Recently God has been working on my attitudes toward the poor.  He revealed to me how rich, how blessed I am and how impoverished so many in the world are.  He impressed on me that the whole world is a family - His family.  I would never let my children go cold if I had an extra coat (or any coat) to share.  Maybe it was time to share with the rest of God's children.

I began giving things away.  That was easy and it felt good.  Some of the callouses fell off my heart.  Then I helped my church organize a free yard sale for the needy.  That was amazing!  Light began to shine on my soul. 

Then came the day I had extra strawberries and God said - go give them to the homeless begging on the corner.  I was scared.  What would they say?  What would they do?  What would they expect from me? 

I took my two young daughters with me.  They were excited.  They gave me courage.  I pulled into the parking lot and left my purse in the car.  Then I met Frank.  I didn't know if he would accept my offering.  Maybe he just wanted money.  I approached and asked if he would like some strawberries.  His whole face lit up.  "Those are my favorite.  Thank you miss.  I get so tired of hamburgers."  He was so grateful and friendly.  We chatted a minute and then he asked if I would take what was left to his brother across the street.  In that moment I saw generosity.  These guys and others I would meet share and take care of each other. 

I went home and told my husband that the guys on the corner where friendly and kind.  They didn't feel entitled to anything.  They were just trying to live.  They aren't saints, but they have a lot to teach me.  My heart was healing a little more.

Then I went to a tailgate party being held by a church group.  They made care bags to hand out to the homeless.  They also had a meal and clothes to give away.  I sat down to talk to a man I had me before.  He shared his story with me.  He is a paranoid schizophrenic and he has PTSD from being a war veteran.  With tears in his eyes, he told me he could never be forgiven for things he was ordered to do as a soldier.  He admitted that he is an alcoholic and that it cost him his last job.  He's been homeless ever since.  I held his hand.  I told him about God's love.  I felt my own heart restored.

Jesus told us to serve the poor, but what we often forget is that it is not just for their benefit.  It is for ours.  the poor can teach us how to love, how to share, and how to heal.