Usually I blog when I've had a breakthrough or a victory. I try to share things that will help others. Not today. Today I just feel lost.
Depression, anger, fear... all my old enemies have been creeping in for about a month now. I feel like I'm losing ground in all areas of my life and I don't want to care. I just want to hide.
You would think something major must have happened, but you would be wrong. It's just lots of things building up. My mom used to say that everyone has a shelf in their mind for their problems and you can put them there and ignore them for awhile, but if the shelf gets too full it will break and you end up dealing with everything at once. So, keep clearing off your shelf whenever you can. I think mine is just about full.
I'm tired of lots of things... I want lots of things...
I want positive attention. I want to feel appreciated. I want to be good at things. I want to lose weight. I want to be happy. I want to run away. I want my children to be happy. I'm tired of someone snarling at me. I'm tired of watching people crash and burn. I'm tired of caring. I want to stop feeling the darkness glide in. Please make it stop hurting.
I am still broken, I don't have it all figured out. I still need healing.