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Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Fasting isn't always fun

So, I am a joiner.  I love new projects, social experiments, and challenges.  I like starting things.  I like learning all about new subjects.  Then - what typically happens is I hit a few roadblocks, find out the project isn't as much fun as I anticipated, and quit to go looking for the next new thing to hit my radar.

A few months ago I quit drinking Diet Coke.  I replaced it with flavored/carbonated water and sweet tea.  I was pondering the idea that it was time to go all the way and get rid of the flavored water too when the 7 Experiment came on my radar.  It seemed like perfect timing.  It seemed exciting!  After all, it was a new project and the perfect way to kick off the new year.  So, about a week ago I quit the flavored water and this week in addition, I cut the sugar out of my tea.  It seemed like a small step, maybe not even glorious enough for the 7 Experiment but I jumped in whole-heartedly.

Then life hit.  See, my typical pattern with fasting is that taking out a comfort item, such as the sugar in my tea, brings me closer to my emotions.  It allows the ugly parts of my personality to surface.  In other words, I get angry and irritated.

Yesterday was a tough day.  Every little thing was ruffling my feathers.  I ended up in an intense argument with my husband.  This is unusual because we both hate conflict.  Because I had no buffer, things I usually overlook really upset me.  I found myself seething over infractions from years ago even.  It seems that some past injuries had not been forgiven but just buried.  So, I guess that is what God wanted to show me.  I spent some time in prayer and was reminded of the time when Jesus told his disciples to forgive 70X7 times.  I decided that all those things that my husband does that really anger me are going on the 70X7 list. If it's on the list, then I don't hold it against him.  It's been forgiven and released.  (and just so you know the list is not on paper, just a fuzzy thing in my head so basically I'll never know if I reach 490 items.)  It's just my way of reminding myself that my husband does not have to be perfect and I have permission to let him off the hook.

So I wanted to just quit this whole experiment yesterday - to cover up my emotions with sugary tea and forget the whole thing.  Instead, I stuck it out and God showed me something important about myself.  It wasn't fun but I grew.  Growth is my word for this year.  If I survive the process, big things might happen.

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