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Saturday, February 3, 2018

Poor, Rich and in the Middle

I'm thinking about a new book idea.  I've been learning the past few years that people of various income levels really don't understand each other.  I would like to use some of what I have learned to build a bridge.

Introduction:

"Rich people are greedy."  "Poor people are lazy."  "Why do 'those' people live like that?"  I've heard these statements all my life, but what I've learned is that kind, generous people can be found in all socio-economic levels.  However, it is true that most of these people don't understand each other.  Each of us sees life through a certain point of view.  It's like a pair of tinted glasses that colors our whole life.  Our glasses are shaped by our upbringing, our family, and our life experiences. It takes great effort to get to know someone who is different than you and to see life through their pair of glasses instead of your own.  It's a lot easier to judge people based on our own values and circumstances.  However, if you take time to understand others, they can add diverse and interesting dimensions to your life.

(Chapter 1 or continuation of the Introduction)

I guess I should start with my own background since that, of course, colors my life perspective.  My parents were divorced so I grew up in two different households. My mother worked two jobs most of my childhood years.  When she married my step-dad, he had a lot of debts.  Then they bought a house that they probably could not afford.  So, despite my dad also working full-time, we had no extra money.  My clothes were given to me or bought at thrift stores.  We ate a lot of hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.  I'm pretty sure my mom never chose to ask for or receive charity and we did not qualify for state aide.  The lessons I learned from my mom were to value hard work, to pay your bills, and to live with what you had.  Later, as my mom struggled to get our of debt I learned to hate credit.

My dad came from a family that understood investing money and living below your means.  My dad retired early.  His bank account was stable, but he chose to wear socks with holes in them and repeatedly told me that "money does not grow on trees."  My dad is not a flashy rich guy.  He is a frugal rich guy.  He does not waste a penny if he can avoid it.  From him I learned that having money was security.  Also, it was a tool to be respected.

As I grew up I had the typical middle-class dream.  I wanted a good job and a savings account.  I didn't want a bunch of stuff but enough to be 'comfortable.'  Then I got married.  I knew all the rules for financial safety - avoid debt, save 10% of every check, buy used, don't waste... My husband agreed in theory but then we 'needed' a computer and the store had a 6 months at 0% interest loan.  We paid it off before the interest kicked in but I still felt like a failure for relying on credit.  Over the years we began to build up debt for other things we 'needed'.  My dreams of a safety net savings account never seemed to materialize.  We did start having money pulled out of our checks for retirement investment and I felt joy watching that grow.  So, instead of fighting about money, I try to enjoy the toys we have and I've also found ways to be generous and help others.

That's a brief overview of my perspective on money.  Work hard, pay your own way, save for the future, and avoid debt.  Despite evidence to the contrary, I thought that deep down everyone must agree with me.  Then I started to try to 'help' poor people.  I found out that their reality was very different from mine and my rules did not necessarily work for them.  My colored glasses didn't seem to fit so well any more.  I also found many people who resented rich people.  The pictures they painted were nothing like the actual people I knew.  So, maybe I am in a unique position to explain these groups to each other.  Maybe we can all take off our glasses and see each other as people of value who can enrich each other's lives.



Ideas for Chapters:

Gimme, gimme or let's share?
Why do we feed poor people crappy food?
Maybe they didn't need my help as much as I needed theirs.
You waste money too
Rich people are not heartless

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