Feeling Enlightened

I  currently listening to this amazing audiobook called Essentialism by Greg McKeown.  It fits in with my journey of less - less stuff, less junk food, less waste, less stress and it is fine tuning some of my ideas. 

He talks about how most of us spend our lives focusing on and working on so many different and sometimes unimportant things.  We do not define and focus on the 'vital few'.  Like most minimalists, he espouses ridding your life of all the extraneous junk so you can truly 'go big' on the important dreams. 

What's different is that he does not start with decluttering your house but with defining your focus.  Now I have never been a fan of mission statements.  They always seem boring, fluffy and a waste of time.  McKeown, however, talks about establishing your essential intent.  What is it in life you are passionate about, have a talent for, and meets a need in the world?  Then filter all opportunities, tasks, and requests through that screen.  There will be tradeoffs but this will allow you to let go of the trivial many and embrace the vital few. 

So - what does this look like and why am I so excited about it?

At work this year I have carried some resentments about jobs I was doing that I felt where not my responsibility but were not getting done if I didn't do them.  Then there were tons of time-consuming things that seemed meaningless and actually kept me from teaching.  Then there were things I ignored but felt guilty about. 

While reading this book, I asked myself - what is my purpose here?  What do I want to accomplish?  My answer is that I want to empower students to graduate.  Then I started looking at everything I do at work and asking whether it directly affected a student's ability to graduate.  Lots of my tasks do fit directly into that goal.  Those I can feel good about giving my time and energy too whether or not they are in my job description.  I can choose to do them rather than feeling put upon.  Lots of tasks do not fit that direction.  Some are not part of my talents or my passion.  Those should be given to people who better fit that need.  Some are someone else's job and I don't need to rescue them from their responsibilities.  Some are just dumb and should be minimized or eliminated. 

This shift in perspective is so empowering.  I feel lighter.  I feel permission to be true to myself and my calling.  I feel an excitement about next school year that usually does not come until after weeks of summer rest.  It is amazing! 

Does our wealth still separate us?

In my devotions today I read a familiar story.  Abraham and Lot were traveling together as God led them to the 'new land I will show you'. 

Then I got to Genesis 13:6 "But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together." NIV  They had to separate because the land would not support both their herds.  Their servants quarreled over who got to use the limited wells first.  They had to go their separate ways.

I never before realized how sad this was.  These two men were family.  They lived close to each other all their lives and now they might never see each other again... because they had too many possessions.  Wow.

So, I wonder, does wealth separate us today? 

I know I am uncomfortable visiting people who's houses are fancier (and cleaner) than mine.  I don't envy their pretty stuff but I also don't invite them over to see my humble abode.  That too is sad.  I am embracing a more simple life and I should be willingly sharing it instead of hiding and fearing someone else's opinion.

Most of the time I don't let someone else's poverty keep me from spending time with them or building a friendship.  However, I do know that most homeless people don't get many hugs.  I'm even a little hesitant to smile and wave if I'm not stopping to share food as if that's the only kindness they need. 

Then of course there are the folks who have very different ideas about how much people should be helping, ie. taking care of them and tend to be demanding in their requests.  I guess I tend to avoid them in order to avoid the inevitable conflict. 

So - wealth, or lack of it, does still separate us and it is sad.  Can we find ways to reach out a hand of friendship to people so very different than us?  What amazing new discoveries will we find when we do?

TKO

So, do you know what happens when you stand up and tell 164 people (the number who read my last post - amazing!) that you are going to make some positive changes in your life...

'Life' smacks you in the face - crisis at church, difficult co-worker, arguments with husband, children melt-downs, etc.  Ugh.

A friend told me recently that when life knocks you down, God is there to catch you.  I guess that means succumbing to anger, fear, and depression are not the best response - oops.

This morning I read about Gideon.  He was living in a time when God's people were oppressed by the Midionites.  He was threshing wheat and he was hiding to do it so the Midionites would not steal his harvest.  Life was not good - or was it.  He was doing a boring, everyday job in fear of losing his food and profit.  On the other hand, even in a time when God's people were being disciplined for disobeying him, a time when they were in rebellion, God made sure their needs were provided for. 

If I have learned anything through my years of food addiction and depression, it is that nothing is wasted in God's plan.  Every path we tread is preparation for the future adventures He has planned for us.  If I let Him, God will use every event in my life to shape me into the person He wants me to be. 

So - here I come Life.  I am going to chose to look at you differently.  That wheat I don't feel like threshing today is a blessing.  Lord, help me reframe each circumstance, seeing them through your eyes.  Help me be thankful for the life you give me.

Back on Track

I am amazed that it has been months since I wrote a blog post.  How easily good habits get lost.  I imagine it is no coincidence that this same time span of over four months has been a time of slowly gaining weight and letting my house slip into disaster.  I seem to have an all-or-nothing pattern.  Now it's time to get back on track - back to the things that are important to me. 

I wrote some goals recently as part of a minimalism class I am taking.  I want to be healthy. I want to be generous and spend my time serving others.  I want to write a book. I believe continuing to simplify my life, my house, and even my food will help me reach these goals.  Joshua Becker says that cleaning up your house and reducing your belongings is only the beginning of the journey.  It is a tool to allow you the space (physical and mental) to pursue the things that are important to you.  It is part of the journey, but certainly not the destination.

I want to clear out more of the junk in my life to make room for the plans God has for me and my family.  This might include hospitality, compassionate ministry, and more time together.

Clearing out the junk is an appropriate metaphor for the work I need to do with my food addiction as well.   I get complacent and comfortable and don't press on toward the goal.  Health and freedom from obsession are the goals but weight loss is the signpost that lets me know I'm headed in a positive direction.  It's time to work the steps, surrender my will and search out God's path.  I'm afraid that is going to mean exercise.  The E word.  I have not trained this temple God gave me very well.  It is weak and unfit.  I despise exercise.  Any excuse will do to avoid it.  I am stubborn and adamant in my refusal.  It's time to start letting God have control of this area.  Oh boy...

Are we there yet?

     It's that classic kid's question on long trips - Are we there yet?  The answer is usually, "not even close".  The same seems to be true in the journey of life.  This blog has looked at many areas of my life - decluttering, Overeater's Anonymous, consumerism, health, creation care, cleaning, ministry, cooking, and poverty.  I have made positive changes in so many ways, but some days I sit in my messy, crowded house after looking at the scale that says I gained a couple pounds, and decide to eat a sugary, chemical-laden snack off a paper plate and wonder if I have accomplished anything.

    I know I'm not alone in this.  My daughter asked me one day when I would be done organizing the house.  It was funny at the time.  I told her this was an ongoing project that might never end, but things would gradually get better and better.  A week or so later I could hardly walk through the living room.  Ugh. 

    I try to embrace the OA concept of "progress not perfection".  Every step forward is a blessing and a victory.  I'm not perfect, but I eat more vegetables than I used to.  I use less disposable items and recycle when I can.  I buy more things used, and less things overall.  I am a work in progress.

 

The 7 Experiment - Media Fast

I'm going to write this one as I go and publish it at the end of my fast. 

This month is media.  My plan is no Facebook for three weeks.  Also, no gaming or random internet surfing.  Basically, I'm trying to redeem the time I spend after diner just vegging in front of the computer. 

I started Thursday (making today day 4).  I turned off all my notifications that email me saying who posted things on Facebook.  At first that helped me not desire to go check out the 'news'.  However, today I find myself wondering what is going on in people's lives.  I feel a little removed.  It's interesting.  Also, what am I supposed to do with all my silly and interesting life events and comments swirling in my head if I can't post them?

Week one down.  Here is an interesting development.  Instead of using my after dinner time for work or family, I've been going to bed earlier.  I think my body is trying to tell me that I've overextended and I need some rest.

Week two almost done.  My email is boring without Facebook and it is full of junk mail.  I try to unsubscribe them but more come.

My life seems to be getting quieter and smaller without Facebook.  I don't know all the details of friends' lives who are spread around the country.  I don't have the urgency to check on them daily. I like that social media allows me to reconnect with people I care about, but I don't miss the pressure (self-imposed mostly) to not miss an update. 

I'm not sure it's quiet enough yet though.  I still don't seem to be spending more time with family or getting more chores done.  I think it's time to reduce my inputs even more.  I read that multi-tasking, especially when related to media, undermines our ability to focus.  Also, it can cut creativity and deep thought.  Lastly, inputs of new information can be received as more urgent to the brain than other necessary tasks. 

I think that relates to me.  Sometimes I get obsessed with gathering new information on whatever topic has caught my interest.  I'll listen to audio books, watch youtube videos, etc. while doing other tasks.  This is not a bad thing in itself, but I think I get overstimulated at times and too driven to find out all I can.  So, for now, I'm fasting from multi-tasking.  I want to focus on what I'm doing and listen for God's voice in all things. 

If only it was that easy.  Unfortunately, the first voice I hear is not God's.  It is the voice of my own anger, irritation, and selfishness.  I find myself getting upset about unimportant things.  It's as though my emotions are raw and vulnerable.  This is always the first 'benefit' of fasting - it shakes me up and shows me what character defects remain unsanctified within me.  I pray for God to continue healing me.  I want to be so full of His Spirit that there is no room for my sinful nature.

Today I endeavored to look outward and pay attention to others instead of focusing on my own wants and needs.  The ugly voices in my head dispersed and it was a much calmer day.

As the three weeks comes to a close,  I think it's time to make some decisions about permanent changes to make.  I would like to 'keep the baby, but get rid of the dirty bathwater'.  I want to keep in contact with friends and family without surfing mindlessly for hours.  I also have become aware of how plugged-in my children are.  They need some limits as well.  I'm considering making one evening a week a 'no screen night'.  Ideally that time would be filled with family time and bonding.  I do plan to sometimes listen to my e-books while doing mindless chores, but wouldn't it be even better to include my children and develop more talk time with them? 

In general, I think I need to intentionally consider how I can trade good for better and better for best in my life. 

Learning to crawl

When my first daughter learned to crawl she had trouble getting her hands and legs to work together.  It went like this - hand, hand, flop on face.  The amazing thing is she didn't cry or get mad.  She just pushed herself up and tried again. 

I could certainly use a little of that determination because apparently my ministry to the poor is going to look a lot like Stephanie crawling - progress, progress, face-plant. 

I am overjoyed that God has given me a desire to minister to the less fortunate.  My own attitudes are being shaped and sanctified - progress.

I organized another free yard sale for needy families.  Our church found a Christian non-profit to partner with and many people at church got involved in various ways - progress.

Under 30 people came - flop.

About half way through I had a melt down.  I asked God if I had gotten these people involved for no reason.  I asked Him if I had misinterpreted His instructions.  I asked Him if I was a failure and the whole thing was a mistake.  Then I tried to pretend everything was fine and count the minutes until I could leave.

Fortunately a few ladies figured out I was upset and reassured me.  They did not feel that the work they put in was a waste of time, and they did feel like the people who came were worth the effort.  They said if one person was influenced and helped it was enough. 

How did I get so blessed to have people like this in my life.  God is good.