Saturday, April 25, 2015

OA - Step 1

Since I am blogging about different topics, I've decided to label my posts that apply to Overeater's Anonymous with OA in the title.)

Soon after I decided to abstain from desserts, I found myself getting very in touch with step one of OA -

"We admitted we were powerless over food, that our live had become unmanageable."

I was assailed by doubts (I can't do this), opportunities (just this one time, just a little bit), cravings (I had visions of chocolate-chip cookies dipped in Frosties), and emotions (all the frustrations and anger that I covered up with food came to the surface.)

The first month was tough.  I don't think I could have done it without all the supportive people who were in my life.  Family, friends, my sponsor, and even a website group I joined circled around me with encouragement and love.

When I first read step 1 I was hesitant to embrace the idea that I was powerless, but as I looked at my history with food, I saw that I had never been able to control my eating for any length of time.  I had searched for answers, tried diets, blamed others, and failed over and over.  I don't know if this is a disease or a genetic disposition or simply a choice, but I do know that my relationship with food was not normal or healthy and I had no control over it.

I also stumbled on the word "unmanageable".  I had just came out of a period of dark years of depression where it was difficult to get out of bed and move through each day.  That to me was unmanageable.  I was finally finding joy in my life and moving forward.  However, the food was a roadblock.  It kept me from facing my deeper issues and from embracing my life more fully. 

In step one I admitted my weakness but also my willingness to move forward.

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